Remaining amicable and civil, at least in front of the children, is essential. A united front is the only way to move forward. If you cannot do this, perhaps you both need to seek professional help before you turn the lives of your children upside down and inflict irreversible damage to their lives.
Divorce is never simple and the reasons for choosing to separate are often overwhelming and exhausting. As parents, regardless of such reasons, you owe it to your children to put their needs before your personal differences. Children are incredibly insightful individuals who understand far more than their parents often realize. Most children are not entirely blindsided by the separation announcement; however, it is less common that any child wishes to see their parents separate. Even as you prepare to live your lives apart, you should remain a team for the sake of your children throughout the duration of your time as parents.
What Not To Do
Getting a divorce is often unseemly and one party is often more hurt than the other; however, in some instances, both parties are equally unhappy. Displaying anger and resentment toward the other in front of the children will only cause more harm than good. Of course, this is a delicate time for everyone involved; however, sitting your children down and informing them of the divorce before you are ready to work together or even look at one another will also be detrimental for the children. If you cannot put your differences aside to behave as adults during a time when children need their parents the most, you should consider postponing the inevitable conversation. If you believe the divorce is only about you, you could not be more wrong. Everyone is affected by this decision and the children most of all.
The Best Support
Sometimes a parent just is not enough. You should give them your unconditional love and support during this trying time; however, they may not wish to speak with you about their feelings. They may harbor resentment and anger toward one or both of the parents. You should consider having them spend time with a trusted family member or even to have the child seek professional help. Some children may be relieved not to have to be subjected to the fighting and hostile environment; whereas, other children may be devastated and turn to violence or negative behavior. You may have decided that remaining together is not in the best interest of the family; however, being a good parent and working together is something the two of you must work on to provide your children with as much stability as possible together or apart.
At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for your family; however, the children should always be first. Everyone has their opinions on the right way and the wrong way to successfully reach the other side unscathed. Each situation is unique. Divorce is difficult; however, it does not have to be impossible.
Citation and authority
“This study explored pathways of change in the levels of conflict couples experienced after Supporting Father Involvement, an evidence-based, prevention-oriented couples and parenting intervention that included a diverse low-income and working class group of participants. Pathways of change were examined for couples with baseline conflict scores that were initially low, medium, and high. The growth mixture model analysis found that the best-fitting model for change in couples’ conflict was represented by three distinctly different change patterns. The intervention was most successful for High-Conflict couples. This finding contributes to a growing literature examining variations in how relationships change over time and the process of change, especially for couples in distress. This study supports further investigation into the impact and costs associated with universal interventions versus those that target specific groups of higher risk families.” More than One Way to Get There: Pathways of Change in Coparenting Conflict after a Preventive Intervention, Authors: Kenneth Epstein Marsha Kline Pruett, Philip Cowan, Carolyn Cowan, Lisa Pradhan,Elisabeth Mah, Kyle Pruett http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/famp.12138/full