Divorce particularly one that involves children is emotionally difficult. Children in the middle of divorce will experience stress, confusion and sadness. As a parent, you will need to guide your kids to make the process less difficult for them.
When dealing with a divorce of this nature it may help for you to not focus on the bigger picture and mentally assess all the problems that could occur. Instead, you should just tackle each issue one by one while keeping a sense of stability and positiveness for your child.
Clarify to Your Kids that the Divorce is Not Their Fault –
During this emotional and confusing time, your child’s mind will be preoccupied about different negative thoughts and feelings. This could especially be the case when your child overhears both you and your partner argue. They may even reason that they are the cause of your divorce. When this happens, you should look your child in the eyes and let him or her know that he or she did not cause the divorce and that your child could not have prevented it from occurring.
Refrain from Speaking Ill of Your Ex –
Being honest with your kids about the situation is crucial. However, it should not involve blaming or speaking badly about your spouse. This may be extremely difficult when the circumstances surrounding the divorce were from hurtful events such as infidelity or betrayal. Be diplomatic so you can avoid blaming your ex.
Listening and Reassuring Your Kids –
Be a strong support for your children by allowing them to express their feelings concerning the divorce. When handling your kids, you should commit to listening to them 100 hundred percent and try not to be defensive. It is normal for kids to have difficulties in expressing their feelings so it is essential to pay close attention to their moods and encourage them to speak up. Reassure them by appeasing their fears, ironing out misunderstandings and most importantly giving them unconditional love.
Provide Stability – Though it is important that kids learn about resilience and flexibility, adjusting to several new things at once can be too much for a child. Help your child deal with the divorce by providing stability and structure. Providing stability does not necessarily mean that a rigid routine must be maintained or that you and your partner’s routine needs to remain the same. Just try to keep certain routines similar and keep open lines of communication with your kid to keep him or her calm and stress-free.
Working with the Ex – Any disagreements between parents can be damaging to your child whether you are divorcing or not. It is important that you do not put the child between your fights or worse have him or her choose between the two of you. If you feel that an argument is brewing between you and your partner, you should do so away from the child. When your child is within earshot, it is best to either talk to your partner another time whether on the phone or in person. You should also be polite when dealing with the ex. This not only sets a good example for your child but could result in your ex-spouse being more gracious.
“In 2011, the 6.3 million custodial parents who were due child support under the terms of legal awards or informal agreements were due an annual mean average of $6,050, or approximately $500 per month. The median amount of child support due in 2011 was $4,800, meaning half of custodial parents were due less than that amount and half of them were due more. Among custodial parents who had agreements for child support, a total of $37.9 billion in child support payments was due in 2011.24. https://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p60-246.pdf