#RATIONALIZATIONS -1st X MOM Endless Roadblocks to Dad’s Visits

In many cases, a mother has a legitimate reason for supervising visitation with the father or limiting father’s visitation. These legitimate reasons include:

  • Father’s drug or alcohol problem,
  • Father’s mental health problems
  • Serious criminal history.
  • Father’s lack of a relationship with the minor child

Attempts to limit visits


Mom wont allow visits with dad

However, some first time mothers throw up an endless variety of roadblocks and detours in a RI child custody case. These roadblocks, attempt to stop or curtail the child’s father from visiting with the minor child.

If you are seeking a Rhode Island child custody lawyer or a RI visitation attorney, contact East Providence Child custody attorney, David Slepkow

Child custody law in RI

we emphasize that most mothers in Rhode Island Family Court do not act this way. However, numerous mothers act as described in this  custody law article. These perceptions are from 22 years of experience as a divorce and custody attorney in Providence Family Court.

Inexperienced father

We have heard all of the justifications and rationalizations. If one roadblock does not appear to work in Rhode Island Family Court – the mom goes back to her tool box for another detour. This type of mother will rationalize her actions as being best for the child etc. What is disturbing -is that- in many of these cases, the father has done nothing to indicate that he is a danger to the child. He is just a young guy, who does not have experience with children and is living a single lifestyle.

Fundamental right to a meaningful relationship

This type of Mother does not want the father to have a meaningful relationship with the child. In many cases, the mother wants the child out of father’s life.  The Mother sees the child as a possession that she owns. Mother will rarely admit that she wants father out of the picture. She will often use code words and phrases to mask her true motivations.

She will use words and phrases such as:

  • “safety”
  • “I want the child to be safe” etc.

In many of these cases the mother is angry that father has a new girlfriend or angry because she was dumped unceremoniously etc.

The bottom line is often these types of mothers do not want the father to visit with the child

However, At the end of the day, he is the father. For all his perceived imperfections, he has the  fundamental right to have a meaningful relationship with his child. Child Visitation in RI is a fundamental right of a parent. These mother’s need to understand that they made a choice to have a child with this individual and they cannot expect a different person to act as father to this child.

At first, the mother tries to supervise visitation or ask the father to terminate his rights all together. She rarely will agree to end the supervised visitations even when by all accounts the father is properly bonding with the child/ children. The Mom will then take the position that if the visits are not supervised at the Court they needs to be Supervised by someone.

Supervised visitation in Rhode Island Family Court

Of course, mother demands that the supervisor be her mother or father. Her mother and father hate father. Mother will assert that all of father’s suggested supervisors either abuse cocaine, are inappropriate or are abusive. If Supervised visits are suspended by the Family Court, then mother will state “not at father’s house because it’s dangerous and he does not have a crib.”

If father suggests overnights at his mother’s house, then mother will engage in a long diatribe about the paternal grandmother. Mother will assert that paternal grandmother is cruel, swears all the time and her new boyfriend uses marijuana. If mother loses that battle, after a Court ordered home study, then mother will take the position that it is ok for the child to go to father’s house but that there can be no overnights.

Later, mother’s position will be the minor child cannot be away from home for 2 nights in a row because the child is not adjusting well. At some point mom will throw out the “the child is too young for  any overnights” card. If all else fails, mom will demand drug testing and claim that  the child does not want the visits because the child hates the father.

And sometimes the mother throws up her hands and shows he true colors “If I waive child support will he go away!”

Here are some of the detours and roadblocks:

  • he goes out drinking to much
  • he hangs out with a bad crowd
  • he has a criminal conviction
  • he just wants to get back at me because I have a new boyfriend
  • his family is a bunch of drug addicts and derelicts
  • he is abusive
  • he does not have a car seat
  • the child will not have his/ her own room
  • His step brother is too aggressive
  • He does not know how to change a diaper
  • He really does not want to see the child, he is doing this so his parents can visit with the child
  • he will kidnap the child
  • he does not care about the child
  • he has a roommate

Searches related to visitation disputes child

  • child visitation rights for fathers
  • child visitation guidelines
  • deny a father visitation rights
  • visitation rights non-custodial parent
  • minimum visitation rights fathers
  • reasons to deny visitation
  • how can a father lose visitation rights
  • visitation rights for unmarried fathers

“In 2013, some of the lowest rates of receiving all child support that was due belonged to custodial parents who were under 30 years old (30.3 percent), who had less than a high school education (30.3 percent), whose child had no contact with their other parent (32.0 percent), who were Black (33.7 percent), or who had never married (34.1 percent). These rates were not statistically different from each other (Figure 5). Custodial parents who had at least a Bachelor’s degree (62.4 percent), who had joint legal or physical custody of their child(ren) (58.6 percent), who were 40 years or older (58.5 percent), or who were divorced (56.5 percent) had some of the highest rates of receiving all child support payments that were due in 2013. ” Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2013 By Timothy Grall Current Population Reports Issued January 2016 P60-255  https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2016/demo/P60-255.pdf